I've Reached A Decision

Okay, so in my last post I went into further detail some of my frustrations with breast feeding. After working for a whole day with Jesstine on nursing alone some things came to light. I stopped and thought and here is what I came up with. I have decided to see how long I can solely pump and feed her pumped milk and formula from now on. The reason why is because I feel like I can be a better mother this way. I found myself resenting her. I didn't WANT her to hurt and cry. But I found myself saying, "It serves you right." I came to this decision after I had struggled all day with her. I went to put her on the changing part of her pack and play. I accidentally caught her foot between my stomach and the edge of the changing place. She started to cry. I found myself saying "What is wrong with you now?" instead of feeling sympathetic and comforting her. I quickly realized this and picked her up to sooth her. By this time she had stopped crying already. I felt awful though. I don't think this is a post-partum (SP?!) thing. It very well could be but I strongly suspect that it is just my frustration. One reason is because I noticed it very quickly. I feel better when I feed her a bottle and I know she is fine with it. There are times that I find she still wants to comfort nurse. I am okay with that. If anything, that could help stimulate my breasts to produce for her. Another, it gives her and me the bonding part that breast feeding is supposed to provide without the frustration that seems to come for both of us. So, I feel confident that this will be fine. I know it is MY decision. I know breast milk is the best, but for many reasons it isn't the best for everyone. I feel that this way I can still provide her with the best as well as providing the best for both of us with less frustration and stress. I have found that just after one day, I have had a better attitude toward meeting her needs.

Despite all of this frustration and such, we are SURE Jesstine is growing; and FAST! Stephen has said he is not ready to let Jesstine move to her crib and her own bed. He says that he would like to wait until she is two months old. I agreed. Tonight he came in after putting her in her cradle in our room. He said, "I don't think we have much of a choice about putting her in her crib in a week or so! She is outgrowing her bassinet! So, regardless of which way I feed her, it is obvious that she is growing. I am at peace with my decision. I finally realized that I have to do what is best for the both of us and this is the way to go!

Thanks for the encouragement. I really do appreciate it! I don't want you to think that I don't take your comments seriously. I just was at a breaking point and saw that I was taking things out on the most innocent person in this situation. I know that isn't right, so I made a decision and so far it is what is best for us both!

In Him,
Lacie, Stephen and Jesstine

Lots of Firsts

Well, this week has been full of firsts. Sunday, Jesstine was just not herself. She was pulling on her ears a lot. She was not nursing well (okay, that is not unusual, but I thought we had gotten pretty good at it). She seemed like she had a stuffy nose. Sunday night, she had a fever of 100 so I called the doctor's office. I was told by the on call doc, who knows me and my story well, and she recommended that we take her in. Well, since the doctor's office was closed, that meant the "big house." We went to the ER and by the time she was seen the fever had subsided and she seemed in good spirits. They wanted a chest x-ray to be sure they weren't missing anything. (Stephen went with her for that thank goodness, or I wouldn't have been able to handle it! It was the scariest thing for her and him!) They found some congestion and said that she probably has a virus, but there isn't anything we can do for her. We will be waiting a little to see if her temp. goes down before we make that trip again!

Today was my first day back to work since Jesstine got here. I called twice to check on her. She was fine both times! If she can only manage to stay away from the curious Anakin she will do great! Thank goodness Grandmom has a spray bottle instead of a light saber! She has had to use it a few times for sure!

Those of you with tips on nursing, feel free to call me! I am still really struggling. After reading a few things, I wonder if my supply is just not what she needs it to be. I have tried everything that I heard of to do to help us. She likes to dawdle and I am not patient. My sisters and my mom have said that by this point their babies were all going 15 mins. on one side! It takes her at LEAST 20 mins. Last week, I thought we had it down to 15 mins. on each side, but something changed and now she wants to nurse FOREVER! Even 20 mins. didn't satisfy her. The only thing that I can think of is that I don't have enough so she keeps sucking until she is satisfied which is never so she just stays on. I have never been able to have her just pull off when she is finished. I have always had to take her off myself. That usually results in her still wanting more or wanting back on in 15 mins. or so. Any tips would be useful! I am trying to pump mostly and see if that works. Most of the time I can't pump enough to give her a full bottle. I always end up having to top it the rest of the way off with formula. Even then, I am trying to save some up each day so she has my milk to eat at Grandmom's house each week. I am game for any help you can give me! The lady at the BF clinic acted like I should just let her suck all day long! I can't do that! I have to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, and work! I don't want to be tied down to my house all of the time. Is that wrong? Comments are greatly appreciated on this topic!

Until next time, I pray that all of you are doing well. I will soon post pictures of her again! We will be getting professional pictures done at two months. We got a free 8 x 10 and no sitting fee at a really expensive place on the east side of town as a gift from my OB. We will be booking that soon!

In Him,
Lacie, Stephen, and Jesstine

Trial Run

Okay, so I only have a week and a half before I go back to work. I know that I only work 2 times a week and each time is just for 4 hours, but Jesstine is still SO young! I am not looking forward to it just yet. I am, but I am not. I am excited that I will actually be teaching music this year. I am not excited to leave my daughter for that long. I know she will be in good hands though. Grandmom will be taking care of her for the most part. Sometimes Stephen will work from home on Wednesday mornings to help take care of her. That is the plan anyhow! I know that things can quickly change. SO, because I am going back to work shortly, we decided that we all needed a trial run. It has also been a while since Stephen and I have had a baby free date night and one that didn't consist of staying home and watching what was on the DVR or a movie between Jesstine feedings! We decided that yesterday would be the most convenient time for such a thing. We chose to do it around the same time that I would be leaving her when I went to work. Okay, so we didn't manage to get out until 2:30 and I will need to leave my house at Noon when I work! But, we did leave her for a little over four hours. It could be a good thing or a bad thing that it just so happened that this was a day of growing for Jesstine. Those of you with children know that a growth spurt at this age means a lot of eating and sleeping with very little playing. She was VERY sleepy yesterday. When she ate, she got down to business and ate fast. Then she would almost always go back to sleep. Needless to say, until we were on our way home, she was mostly asleep and did a great job. When she did wake up she even gave Grandmom some great smiles and happiness. She ate her bottle very fast and she didn't cry until right before I got there to pick her up. Then she ate for about 15 mins. and was asleep as we made our way home. Needless to say, I believe it was worse on me than on her! She did great and there are no signs that she missed us at all. Thanks so much Grandmom for a wonderful afternoon (for Jesstine and us)!

As always, we hope that you all are doing well! Thank you again for stopping by to see Jesstine growing in pictures and in words! Until next time....

In Him,
Lacie, Stephen, and Jesstine

One Month!

Well, we have made it through the first month! Wow time flies!!! Stephen goes back to work tomorrow. For those of you who don't already know, his company awards its employees who have worked for ten years with a sabbatical. It is essentially an extra 4 weeks of paid vacation that must be taken at one time. We chose to use it for him to stay home some extra time with me and the baby. I am going to miss him not only as I usually do, but because he has been SUCH a help around her. I think it may be worse on him though because he has to be away from Jesstine during the day!

Well, Jesstine has been doing GREAT! Breastfeeding is still a challenge and we do a lot of bottles here and there. We are still working on not falling asleep (sometimes both of us, but mostly her) during our feedings. She is gaining weight and is up to 7 lbs. 10 oz. as of this past Wednesday. She has had a stretch of nights where she has slept anywhere from 5-7 hours. As you can see by the time on this post, that was NOT the case tonight.



So, I leave you with her one month picture, plus a picture that has been very popular with my family members. I think that I caught her smiling on camera. She has been smiling a lot more lately and I have even caught a couple of moments where she is attempting to laugh. Right now it is just a squeak, but it is music to my ears.



In Him,

Lacie, Stephen and Jesstine

Jesstine Jonelle, 1 month!

Bald IS beautiful!

The first smile that has been captured on camera

FINALLY!

Okay, you would think I would have gained a little more in the patience department after having to wait for two years to have a healthy baby! Well, we have been waiting anxiously for Jesstine's cord stump to fall off! We got up yesterday morning to feed and change her, and it was gone! Literally, we could not find it! We had to undress her in order to locate the stubborn piece of dead tissue! The reason why I write that as if I am frustrated is because we all three were frustrated with the stinking thing! Yes, it really did start to stink! The doctor even cultured it because it was so smelly, we were all worried it had an infection of some kind! Needless to say diaper changes and bath time has been a whole lot easier lately!

So, Jesstine was four weeks-old yesterday. The reason I failed to post an update with picture is because I am waiting for Sunday when she is exactly one month old. My sis-in-law took a picture of her boys each month in the same chair. I think that is a wonderful idea because it shows how they are growing each month. So, you will have to wait at least a day. I can't guarantee that it will be there ON Sunday because I have been terribly busy with her. Let's just say she hit a growth spurt and wants to eat about every hour to hour and a half it seems! I will tell you that she is already up to 7 lbs. 10 oz. We are happy for that! She has finally passed her birth weight. That accounts for the increase in appetite lately I am sure!

In Him,
Lacie, Stephen, and Jesstine

Three Weeks-Old!

Well, we have made it to the third week. She is growing very well! We are still struggling with the breastfeeding. That is mostly due to the fact that she takes SO long! Also we both have a case of thrush! It came to a head last night and she moaned in her sleep all night long. Poor girl! We went to the doctor today and she is up to 7 lbs. 1 oz. That is only a couple of oz. away from her birth weight. I also was given some medication to help boost my milk supply to hopefully motivate her to eat more quickly! Here are a couple of pictures that we took in the last few days! She is SO cute!

In Him,
Lacie, Stephen, and Jesstine

A special blanket given to us by Miss Lynessa, a friend from a prayer group.

A special shirt Gandmom bought a long time ago. Sometimes it is VERY true!

2 weeks old and sleeping only during the day!

Photo Album

Okay, so I now have an online photo album. Don't worry, I will still post a few of my favorites on the blog. I just thought it would be easier for everyone to see Jesstine in all of the great pictures if I were to have a link to one location. Everything is set up in "sets." Each one has a description that tells you what is in it. Some have a lot of pictures and others have just a few. It may change some through out the next few weeks as I get more familiar with the sight (which was free by the way because I have a yahoo email address!).

Enjoy!
Lacie, Stephen and Jesstine